bibliomancy for mars in virgo

'jester' d sinclair '08

""Beauty and the Beast" suggests that we can transform not only ourselves but others by loving them just as they are - "naming" them as lovable, even with all their imperfections. "The Frog Prince," though is a different story. The frog takes advantage of the the princess; she is emotionally younger and not so wise as Beauty, not so able to love the frog as a frog."


- Carol S Pearson, PHD; The Hero Within, Six Archetypes We Live By, p201


Mars, planet and archetype of masculinity in its prime, of yang, initiating, outward-moving energy; our inner warrior, charioteer and all-round action figure - is changing sign again. Out of Leo, where the sun shines so bright its a wonder our guy doesn't fry inside that armour and into cooler, cleaner, analytical Virgo. Yes, what a relief.

A pause to re-group and have a good think about where things are at.

For we women folks, the men around us may begin to be a lot less hot-headed and perhaps cool off in other regions as well. I've heard a lot of stories lately about how the fellas are acting out like big Drama Kings, and in some good ways too. Leo rules romance, after all, and who doesn't like splashy, dramatic displays of emotion and affection?

Well, we'll see. I for one didn't experience much of the above anyway - Mars, for me, is creative energy which is best put to use on my various projects, one of which is this blog. Tapping into my inner warrior means going after what I want, not necessarily with a sword in my hand but with intent to succeed. Lately I've been so fired up about certain things that - no surprise - fire alarms keep going off in my presence. (this morning I burnt my favourite pan - a gorgeous red soup pot that I left on the stove top over long and is now ruined). Ideally, I'd like to tone it down by degrees and settle into 'active receptivity' mode. Let things fall into place of their own accord. Work more efficiently, with less energy expended.

As for the blokes - or should that be Beasts? - there may well be shift to cerebral emphasis in relations with them. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, and Mercury represents the mind. Then again, if it involves Mercury we're talking about that Trickster God so it may be wise to keep a sharp eye out for, well, tricks. It might also be helpful to be in tune with the healthier aspects of Virgo - good, positive self-care - the grounding kind. Hold fast to integrity, and be less easily influenced by flash, flowers and sleight of hand.


And don't, what ever you do, kiss the frog.

bibliomancy for the solstice

north star d sinclair '08

"Every person, in the course of his life, must build - starting with the natural territory of his own self - a work, an opus, into which something enters from all the elements of the earth. He makes his own soul throughout his earthly days; and at the same time he collaborates in another work, in another opus, which infinitely transcends, while at the same time it narrowly determines, the perspectives of his individual achievement; the completing of the world."

(Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, The Divine Milieu)

bibliomancy for mercury direct

'groom' d sinclair '08

"After a long rain, we joyously watch the heavens clear.

The sun and moon grow slowly brighter.

The gloomy days are over, so be happy and joyous.

You will bound through the Dragon Door in one leap."


You have found the hidden treasure. Open the spirit world and enjoy its riches.

(The Kuan Yin Oracle, 100 Poems of the Goddess, Karcher: 20)

Sitting here sipping fennel tea, which is said to have 22 separate healing qualities as well as being sacred to our Trickster friend, its a relief to be almost to the end of Mercury's retrograde phase.

Oh OK, it hasn't been too bad. There was costly work to be done on the car - just like last time the god of travellers went AWOL - and two computers went down (I won't bother getting them fixed until we are well out of the danger zone). There was plenty of miscommunication, double-crossed wires, forgotten appointments, late arrivals and more than one person laughed with me about having missed a plane. Over all, though, it has been a good time to go back over some old ground. In one situation where I'd previously had difficulties with billing I discovered money owed to me (it has been delayed in its return, but it must surely be on its way!).

Mercury sure does love to move things around. Today I heard someone say that the planet itself is a big chunk of iron - that would make it the most powerful magnet I've ever heard of.

Yes, I feel the need to renew my sense of equilibrium, to get my polarities lined up.

It occurred to me last night after receiving a comment from a reader here that in spite of what others may expect me to project into the world - a stronger vision, a more realistic representation of my self, or what ever - that the swing between one way of being and another doesn't sit comfortably with me. What I'm saying is that I hope never to be one way or another but to be both.

There are situations in life that require a strong manner of speaking, but that doesn't mean that I am not also scared. Just because I accept the consequences of my past actions doesn't mean that I don't also feel wronged. I'm acutely aware that for every victim a bully is constellated, that heroes call foes into being - every archetypal pattern demands its counterpart be played out. I've found that the way through these mythical forces is simply to walk the path of non-resistance. Acknowledging the gods, if you like. Because they're alive and they will one way or another extract their dues.

Too much energy is wasted in denial - 'I'm not a victim' is something I've told myself over and over again. And so over and over again life has shown me that is exactly what I am. If you've been reading this blog for a while you know that there are things going on here that are challenging me, that sometimes I let these challenges send me plummeting. I go down alright, without fighting. I won't fight anymore.

Resistance just creates more of what isn't wanted.

So with that in mind, in these last moments of Mercury's 'time out', I reckon I'll just go with whatever is. If I'm down, I'll be resting; if I'm strong, I'm using it. And if someone wants to tell me I've failed, I'll listen - and accept that I can only do as I do.

Hm, and I'll have another cup of magical fennel tea. Want one?

he still calls me witch

I've dreamt a lot about walking through shaky, wobbly high buildings, baby in my arms; or of giving birth in odd places – alone, in the bank, out on the street, the supermarket; on the floor in front of everyone. Private parts exposed, infant at risk. Other nights I’m heavily pregnant, struggling with bags of groceries while my nappy-clad daughter runs out onto the road or off into a crowd. I'm helpless, powerless and words are stuck in my throat.

Where’s our protector? I want to shout. There’s something very wrong here – I’m supposed to have help with this. Then I remember why he’s not with us. Time is all skewed, events are muddled – my daughters are at school, the new baby is a year old, life is better, we’re OK. We’ve adjusted.

Waking from these dreams the feeling of vulnerability is hard to shake, so I live with it.

Days move along efficiently; four girls off to school, house tidied, baby and I go through our routine. We go for walks, sit in our favorite café while I write and she charms the regulars. She falls asleep to the sound of the coffee machine and I let myself drift a little.

“You’re so calm!” People say to me, stopping by.

“How do you do it?” they ask

“Its not fair” some complain, impressed by a cool demeanor, smooth hair and slim hips – as if I should be harried, overweight and upset that I have five children and no husband.

‘A defense mechanism’ is my carefully prepared response; ‘If I’m upset, baby’s upset, and I wouldn’t be able to cope’.

A calm mum makes calm babies is how the cliché goes – and so it satisfies most.

As for the rest, I smile and move on rather than say what’s really on my mind – a rant about choices and fairness and staying home eating vegetables, not drinking, not eating out and walking and walking and walking to stay sane. I shake off the resentment I sense, breathe deeply. I hold my gaze steady - stand by my convictions and the direction I've taken my life in.


Women have been doing this since we first looked up at the moon, I tell myself. We’ve been raising children alone – men leave, they go off to do ‘man things’; once they were hunters and warriors and often they didn’t come back. We call these things by different names now, but the nature of the beast hasn’t changed, and why should it?

So we get on with it and look elsewhere for understanding. Well, we hope for understanding. I do.

I know I'm not alone, not really. There are an alarming – and growing - number of children in this developed country being raised without fathers, with part-time fathers, by mothers who are under-valued, over worked and - I suspect - enraged.

One in five children goes through every day looking to a mother who, based on the cultural norm of ‘ the nuclear family’, is doing the job of two people [i]. There’s fear for the future, for the hearts of these children who will grow into men and women, but mostly for mothers who, right now, are also told that raising children isn’t enough, and they must do more. Be more. Be productive and legitimate members of the economic nation, within bounds.

Even women with partners, with legitimizing positions within community, careers, media profiles, and money – who do all of it willingly and joyfully - continue to do the lion’s share of parenting. It seems we had a feminist revolution but the boys, well, the boys are still taking the head off the Medusa and becoming heroes.

Heroes don’t change nappies do they?

And even though we are good brave patriarchal daughters we know that we face an issue that’s more than political – one that cuts to the deepest part of the collective psyche, to our very soul. It’s archetypal. It’s about a human relationship with the Anima Mundi – the essence of the world itself.

But its all too huge, too hard and scary and it feels like everyone else is satisfied with the way things are. Anyone who wants to change this Big Story is fighting against a powerful reality and losing. Its sensible to go with the flow, not to try and swim against the current.

Even so, there are the small things - taking care of what's in front of us, and that's what I do. I want let go of my fear and anger and my idea of the way things 'should be' and change my life bit by bit; strive to give others what I want for myself; become willing to see things differently; allow others to be right; to recognise the good stuff when I see it, when its in my hand.

If I can see that the problem of our relationship with the world - both the world as a concept and the planet Herself - and the worldview of mothers is tied up together, then I need to; it must be a calling. Writing it all down may be the answer to that calling, but mostly all I can do is nurture my own part of the world, my own piece of the Anima Mundi - my own soul, and those of my children.

Will it ever be enough? God only knows.

[i]
Over the last two decades, one-parent families increased substantially as a proportion of all families with children under 15 years. In 1986–1988, one-parent families accounted for 14% of such families on average. The proportion increased to an average of 20% in 1996–1998, reached 23% in 2002–2004 and then fell slightly to 22% in 2004–2006. (source; ABS, 4102.0 Australian Social Trends)

bibliomancy for venus opposite pluto...

'talk is cheap' d sinclair '08

Honey Sweet Words
Beware of words sweet as honey that betray your love and care.
You once treated a thief like your own son.
You would be humiliated and endangered if you fall into that trap again.

(if you can free yourself from this web of sweet poisoned words, this can be a very fertile time)

(from the Kuan Yin Oracle, Karcher;
41)

venus, the sun and mercury: a tipping point?

I don't usually like to write about astrology in any kind of direct way - not just because I'm not an astrologer (although as part of alchemy studies astrology is covered pretty thoroughly) but also for the reason that I don't like to offer interpretations. Rather, I prefer to point people towards their own ideas of what's going on, symbolically, metaphorically, allegorically.

One of the axioms of alchemy goes something like (forgive me for not quoting the original Latin) 'the macrocosm and the microcosm are the same' or as some would have it 'as above, so below' (you could say 'on earth as it is in heaven'). Basically the cosmos, the planets, the archetypes, the whole universe; all the largest things are the same as the smallest things. Not simply reflections of each other, not copies. The same thing.

I'm not going to go into a complicated discussion of quantum mechanics here but will say that this ancient assertion of the alchemists is something that modern science supports.

OK, I could go way off course here - what I'm trying to get to is that astrology works at a very personal level, at the level of the microcosmic self - that the planets are moving in you and I too.

But looking outward into the sky, recognising that we are part of a living ball of matter and energy moving in an orderly fashion through space that there are other living, moving, balls of energy and matter existing in relation to us - this can give us some perspective on how we live our little lives.

During the most challenging times in life a refreshed perspective can really help. Its as though a part of us that we don't ordinarily tap into recognises the greater scheme of things - and seeing things differently changes things powerfully.

This morning one of my favourite astrologers sent out his weekly newsletter and reminded his readers of an pair of astrological events that rarely happen - the transits of Venus to the Sun. Venus tracks her way through the solar system in a very specific pattern in eight year cycles which form a greater cycle in relation to our Sun.

To the average follower of astrology most of all of this is going on in a way that is partly hypothetical (in that the actual position of the planets and the way western astrology presents their positions don't concur); mostly invisible (conjunctions aren't really about planets 'meeting' - they are occupying the same 'degrees' on a one-dimensional scale but are separated in space by everything else that is real) and possibly confusing. Its the often poetics of astrology, in the absence of understanding the physical energies of the planets, that give it its power.

Still, right now it transpires that not only are Venus and the Sun metaphorically conjoined, we're midway between the two greater and far more potent events - the first of which occurred on June 4, 2004 that some of you may recall. Venus was visible from here on Earth against the backdrop of the sun. The twin of this 'occultation' of the sun by Venus is expected in June 2012 and won't happen again for another one hundred and thirteen years or so.

I don't know what it means, and wouldn't dare speak for what other's may believe about this. But it does say something for itself and the perfection of the Universe, the synchronicity and beauty of life. It seems to demonstrate that even the unseen or unknowable will at some point be revealed - returned. There are some that say that this moment in time is a tipping point. Many stories are circulating about the archetype of transformation, the divine feminine, about women and the way we love. I don't know.

What I do know is that this is all happening in Gemini - the sign of the twins, ruled by Mercury (who is, of course, right there in the midst of it) and bringing to the whole picture the realm of ideas, the mind, thought and choice.

I think its worth looking outwards right now - with a renewed perspective, and with an open mind and heart. Something very special may be revealed to each of us.

We may see something that may not come around again for a while.

a new moon and a conjunction of the sun, venus and mercury in gemini

'but something inside me says it's gonna be fine'
d sinclair '08

(no bibliomancy today, the current cosmic conditions will reveal all, without any help from me)

I was going to write about how the week's activities have shown me how strong I am, about how I've overcome many of my doubts, as a writer, as a woman and mother and as a person. I actually did write a long essay on how great it is to be finally writing my book, about being busy getting my home ready to be sold and getting the car fixed and finally cutting ties with the father of my child. I wrote that through it all I've been fine, I've been stoic and resolute and positive. That I've maintained my composure and calm and kept the faith.

It was all lies, so I deleted it.

The truth is that I'm not at all positive about the house being sold - the children and I believed this was our permanent home, that we'd make it our own. Today when the 'stylist' came to the house and told me that it needed 'such a lift' I felt as saggy and disappointed as I ever have. Apparently I have to change so much about the way it is I might as well just move out and let the experts come in and do the 'make over'. After she left I stood in the kitchen and cried.

It was like letting one of my ex husband's friends in to the house - he's an architect and the sort of people he prefers the company of are likely to critique everything they see. In an objective, arty and intellectual way, of course. Nothing personal. (believe me I just didn't need to be reminded of my ex husband, his friends or the house I left behind to gain this supposed freedom)

I know its silly to get upset, that it's just a service offered by the real estate agent in the interests of getting a better price on the house, and it really isn't personal. Its only personal to me.

A house is an extension of soul, in a way - which is how feng shui can have such an effect - it has an energy which is intimately connected with the energy of its inhabitants. We get a 'feel' for homes and they have 'vibes'. This house has been loved and cared for like everything else in my life - and its beautiful - so to have a stranger come in and tell me how much more work there is to do on it is a blow.

A lesson learned, I guess. Not to be too attached, not to get invested in an egoic idea of home and soul and the care of it.

The same goes for the rest of what's been going on around here. While on one level I've found I can rely on inner resources, there's a current of anger and fear and loneliness which has some power over me still. My chest hurts like a handful of me has been pulled out so I know I'm grieving.

I tend to try and distract myself and to deny what I'm feeling. I tell myself that my inner peace can't be destroyed by outer events, by other's words, or lack thereof or by anything short of an act of god. I want that to be true. On the other hand, I'm so darn tired of having to be brave and strong and manage all of it on my own, I can understand why people turn to religion. There are days when I just want to hand my whole life over to a higher power and relinquish all responsibility for it.

But there's still hope in the here and now, and I'm going to continue to work together with that higher power, taking responsibility for my Self, myself. I'll work with my heart to heal what's hurting, and with my soul to have a home, where ever that may be next. I still have choices.

Choices are worth a lot.

bibliomancy for chiron conjunct the north node of the moon

"we're not together you know" d sinclair '08

"...In the years that I've known Tabra, which add up to a lot, my friend has been sick, disillusioned, poor, and with a thousand problems, but I have seen her despair only once: when her father died. She cried for months over that man she adored and for other losses in the past, and I could not console her. In the period of her financial travails her demeanor never changed. With humour and courage she prepared to travel from the beginning the road she'd traveled in her youth, convinced that if she had done it at twenty she could do it again at fifty..."

(Isabel Allende, The Sum of Our Days)

trickster's past

from my paper journal:

January 15. Moon in Aries, Mercury sextile Venus (natal)

the car won't start
my phone tells me I have a connection failure - to check my settings.

life is never strange anymore.

Craig tells me I'm a brat - same as Edi and Alice (does that mean he 'loves me the best' too?)

I know I'm a brat - I love being a brat! I'll always be a BRAT!

why would I want to be anything other than what I am - exactly as I am?

I've been to the plastic surgeon to see about my plastic parts. He tells me I'm not as bad as I think. HA! I'm exactly as bad as I think.

I'm only ever what I think at one time or another.

I AM.

But I won't have to wait long now.

(and I may have turned into one of those people who sits in cafes staring at everyone strangely)

so, nothing.

more mercury retrograde...

from my paper journal:

June 29, 2007

Who wants to know about me? Want to hear a story - a story about a woman sitting at her desk writing? Writing and wondering about that story - what to write - what's the true story?

The Alchemical Psychologist says that all stories, all histories, are fictions. By the time we recall events from memory they've changed from travelling all those dark corridors in the mind.

Even the brightest minds can trick things around.

What's more, our perception of events is always coloured by our ways of perceiving - our thoughts and beliefs.

Coloured!

My mother always told me I had my father's duck-shit eyes. Imagine that. I've gone through most of my life seeing things through duck-shit eyes.

These days I prefer to think I'm looking out at the world through amber-flecked green or at the very least murky-pond...

My point is; no matter what story - its a fiction. I'll tell you! It might be beautiful, it could be dark and twisted, but it won't be the truth.

bibliomancy for venus in gemini

'she was such a dear old duck' d sinclair '08

"Not until the moon was high did the alchemist ride into view. He carried two dead hawks over his shoulder.

"I am here," the boy said.

"You shouldn't be here," the alchemist answered. "Or is it your Personal Legend that brings you here?"

"With the wars between the tribes, it's impossible to cross the desert. So I have come here."

(Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist)

Thanks to you all for your patience during my absence from blogging. It's been a challenging couple of weeks.

Space clearing was a success - the garage is now organised after sorting through all the boxes of stuff left over from the move to this house just over a year ago. Likewise all cupboards and wardrobes are tidy and clutter free.

There's something very satisfying about giving away things that are no longer needed. Especially knowing that the items are still good and will be of use to someone else - a kind of random benevolence that has me wondering if I'll see that shirt on someone passing in the street some time.

I enjoy that someone somewhere has a need for those things and I play my part in it. Also, the simple act of giving away things of value but no further use seems to affirm just how abundant life really is.

We have so much. We're very lucky people.

Sorting through belongings showed me just how much of my money has gone into acquiring things I really believed I needed but didn't. And it had me questioning my methods of assigning value to material things. Truly an enriching experience - with unexpected results.

I was shocked when about four days into my 'clearing space for a miracle' I received the news that my baby's grand mother had passed away.

Pam had been fighting Cancer for three years and it had finally won.

It might not have been such a shock if I'd known that she was that close to leaving - I'd been spending time with her regularly so that she could enjoy her grand baby in her last days on Earth and had hoped that we'd have a few more visits before saying goodbye.

We'll miss her even though she drove me nuts with her swearing and grabbing my forearm each time she wanted to get a point across. She couldn't change a nappy for peanuts and she liked to feed my kids junk but she was a good sweet woman who loved people, and was loved in return. Seeing her one and only granddaughter grow up was important to her. I hope she's still watching, where ever she is now.

The funeral was a remarkable event - hundreds of people were bussed in from the country town where Pam and her husband have been living for the past twenty years. I've never seen anything like it. Everything was handled with style and humour and it was an honour to be there as part of the family.

The day before the funeral I received more news - my father is very ill and is in such dire straits financially that the family trust is now forced to sell the house that my children and I live in.

This phone call came on my way back from the local police station where I'd reported threats against me from a confused individual who I didn't know existed until six months ago - someone who imagines I've done something to come between her and the man she believed was her 'boyfriend' (the father of my baby).

I'm unsure as to why all of this has happened now - particularly as it's my intention to keep drama 'on the page' through writing and drawing. I live my life peacefully and soulfully, caring for my home, family and the small things I can do for the world. This is my Work.

All I can think of is that my Personal Legend (as Paulo Coelho calls it) is being challenged - and I'm called upon to draw on inner resources rather than become a victim to it all.

So I have.

Its strange but truly wonderful to find that I'm not afraid, that I'm not weak and that I can do this no matter how events beyond my control may seem daunting and overwhelming.

And if I can so can anyone. So can you.

...and for another full moon in scorpio

'a higher order of phoenix' d sinclair all rights reserved '08

"I have known true alchemists," the alchemist continued.
"They locked themselves in their laboratories, and tried to evolve, as gold had. And they found the Philosopher's Stone, because they understood that when something evolves everything around that thing evolves as well.
"Others stumbled upon the stone by accident. They already had the gift, and their souls were readier for such things than the souls of others. But they don't count. They're quite rare.
"And then there were others, who were only interested in gold. They never found the secret. They forgot that lead, copper, and iron have their own Personal Legends to fulfill. And anyone who interferes with the Personal Legend of another thing never will discover his own."

-Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

bibliomancy for mars in leo

'I hope he does' d sinclair all rights reserved '08

"...we need ethical behaviour, or social life becomes untenable. It does matter what we do, how we treat others; it is important to challenge corruption, to make a stand. It is not good enough to put it all down to fate and turn away. But at the same time, we have to understand the deep ground of oneness out of which we and others arise...." (Diana Durham, The Return of King Arthur, p 178)

five ways to parent with soul, part two

'solar heron' d sinclair all rights reserved '08

A woman's heart grows larger and stronger during pregnancy. Biologically this is to circulate all the new blood her body has made to sustain the pregnancy and nourish the babe. Metaphorically, well, this should need no explanation.

I wonder about it from time to time though. What happens to my heart in the months after the baby is born? It grows smaller, obviously, and just when its needed the most. Other parts of me that I'd really like to shrink remain resolutely stretched, sagging and disappointed. Again, metaphors for motherhood that don't need interpretation as much as acceptance on my part as I strive to firm up and feel differently.

I've noticed how the body's message is either ignored or considered wrong. 'In symptom is soul' James Hillman teaches us, in the footsteps of Jung who said the gods are in our diseases (for want of a higher place in our lives). Our own physiology (and our pathologising) tells us about psyche - about where life settles upon us, our dis-ease with the world; our stories of who we are and how we change and grow.

We don't need to look further than the mirror or the diagnosis to see our souls. Do we though?

If we're sick we want to be healed and we go about this by fighting the sickness rather than by loving it or paying attention to what it may mean. We think of sickness and symptom as being from outside of ourselves; a foreign invader, an enemy. We have 'bouts' of illness; our hearts attack and we track the white and red armies in our blood.

Likewise if our healthy bodies are less than aesthetically perfect we might not be forgiving of those flaws. Then we diet, work out, burn fat, restrict and punish - tell ourselves no pain, no gain. We try to tweeze and wax and squeeze and scrub away our hairy, dry, clogged surfaces. So brutal. Its as if our flesh isn't our own, as if we are not in fact alive inside our skins, our cells, but trapped by them like POWs.

Some of us might give up without grace or grateful surrender to what is but with resentment, shame and loathing. We may hide ourselves under layers, behind smokescreens; stuffed down with milky, creamy sweet 'treats' telling ourselves and anyone who'll listen 'I wasn't like this until I had babies'.

Strangely enough its our children who most often want to speak up for our souls, our symptoms. My seven year old daughter is fond of rubbing my wounded belly like a magic lamp, murmuring 'beautiful soft Mama'.

What I want to say here in this second part of the series - after touching on surrendering to how things are and being still enough to allow our children to live according to their own natures - and I am really saying the same thing in different ways - is simply this:

3. Listen. Pay attention to what is being said and what you're being shown. What do your symptoms tell you? What are your children's symptoms saying? Take all those things you might otherwise consider wrong or sick and be willing to understand them in a new way. These things are your soul's language.

I'll be back with more on this.

bibliomancy for a new moon in taurus

"liar lyre pants on fire" d sinclair all rights reserved 08

"..where do I wander? Down what draughty tunnels? Where the eyeless wind blows? And there grows nothing for the eye. No rose. To issue where? In some harvestless dim field where no evening lets fall her mantle; nor sun rises. All's equal there. Unblowing, ungrowing are the roses there."

(Virginia Woolf, Between the Acts, 1941)

five ways to parent with soul, part one

'pelican blood' d sinclair all rights reserved '08

There's a billboard outside the primary school I pass on my daily travels and for the past few weeks it has displayed this;


challenge for the day - find something good in your child


I don't know about you but the idea that its a challenge to find good in a child worries me. It reminds me of The One Minute Manager that I had to read when I worked for the Gap years ago. 'Find something good in your staff, and praise them for it', is how it went, along the lines of how to win friends and influence people and the like.

This billboard doesn't challenge anyone that far, so I guess its not about kid productivity levels or morale. But as I pass it, even in heavy traffic, it seems apparent that parents might need to see their kids - and parenting itself - differently.

So I'm offering some suggestions on how to parent with soul, that is, with acceptance of all its parts, good and bad.

1. Surrender. Yes, you read that right - give up the idea that you're in control and that everything will go according to your ideas of how it 'should'. Babies cry for no reason, toddlers poke things in the CD player and preschoolers swear in front of people you want to impress. Teenagers mumble. Some of them do none of these things. Children do as they do; that is the nature of the beast. Rules do not apply, so throw out the 'what to expect' book.

Boundaries, on the other hand, teach kids and parents how to be safe and to navigate life - and its up to us parents to see the difference between a reasonable boundary and a dumb veto that's making all concerned crazy. Telling a toddler 'no darling, daddy's watch doesn't belong in the bin' is crazy-making (ask my friend who lost a few watches); moving the bin, the watch and the kid out of range of each other is a reasonable boundary.

Or maybe the kid has a point?

The little darlings want to try out everything they see you do (perhaps - who knows for sure what their reasons are?) and have no idea of the value of a Rolex, until we drum it into them. But they do know the value of time together, just playing and making general mayhem.

So stop trying to fit the kid in around your life - for every one's sake - that's all over now. Better to concentrate on your own self control, and teach by example.

Rearrange your house, rearrange your life. Be prepared to at the very least. Trust me on this - by surrendering control, you gain peace.

2. Be still. Stop trying to 'fix' your kids, your parenting or your life. You can't make everything perfect for your kids, you can't make your kids perfect for your life, and you are the parent you are no more and no less.

Every heroic action creates a victim, every martyr creates an oppressor. I see so much solar parenting around me that its no wonder there's a greenhouse effect. Ah, OK, its a 'hothouse' effect - close enough - my point is that we could do a lot better by allowing our kids to have their own failures and teaching them to forgive themselves.

While we are at it we can allow our own parenting 'mistakes' (if there is such a thing - and here we can throw that damn book of expectations again) and let our children see that we are human,imperfect and lovable.

And, you know, your children are great the way they are anyway - complete with mumbling and 'bad' grades and black nail polish. Who says they should be any different? (aim that book at them, whoever they are!)

Last year my family grew, and we all had some growing pains. My fourteen year old daughter, eldest of five, started having conflict with teachers at school; her grades dropped and she seemed like the weight of the world was upon her, like nothing mattered, like she just 'didn't care'.

In this situation the only thing I could change was myself - my thinking. I knew I cared and could do with lightening up.

The school teachers started calling me and asking me how to 'get through to her' and then, later in the year, asking me to 'do something about her'.

"I have faith in her" I told them.
"I've delegated the task of sorting this out to her" I reassured them.
"I'm doing the best I can, and so is she. Please be patient." I tried, when that wasn't the result they expected.
"Stop relating to my kid like she's an animal that needs to be tamed!" I finally blurted. Actually I put that one in writing.

I do have complete faith in her, whether she improves her grades or not. She's not a performing monkey, she's a person. I've always maintained that there's no point in making kids miserable so that 'one day' they can 'make it' in the world. I want mine to be happy and true to themselves now, and because of this I love her even more when she is 'acting out'.

Anyway, she found her own way, with my full support, and she's fine. Only a few weeks ago her teachers called me to say how great it is to see the kid doing so well.


So what I'm getting at is that we are doing too much - we as parents have some kind of compulsion for taking action - just stop. Stop that right now! (I'm waggling a finger at you)

Stop doing. Let life unfold as it will and have faith that everything is how it must be, because it is.

(more soon)

at peace with the present

'its so quiet when they're asleep' d sinclair 2008 all rights reserved

Be warned, this is all about me.

Some of you who know me are aware that in a few days it'll be my birthday and that I've spent the past week or so in quiet contemplation of what this means.

I'm not really a party person but I do usually like to celebrate the turn of another wheel with some kind of ritual or another. This year, I suppose, will be no different - except that I've made no plans at all and, well, I don't plan to make any. Which, yes, is just silly.

Maybe I'll be spontaneous for once. I can be spontaneous. Really.

Well alright. I'm actually a little funkier than is reasonable about having a birthday - and I tell you its most definitely not because for the first time I realise I'm not a young woman anymore. No sir-ee.

I'm not looking in the mirror for wrinkles and sagging and greys (although they are there). Something has happened to me over the past twelve months or so and I no longer see myself in the same way. I see myself as a person who has something to offer the world, not someone who is waiting for the world to show her what's, well, on offer. I don't look for what others might see of me either.

I think its good to be older and wiser. I've never been more accepting of myself. I've passed the tidemark whereby I could get away with anything because I was somewhat cute and sexy. Now I'm now called on to have some substance - from within - to be something more.

And so why am I so blah about celebrating this year?

For one thing, true to my former, flakier self, I asked (and paid) an astrologer to look at my natal chart and do a forecast for the year. In the course of things this apparently required dredging through some murky past events that I'd rather leave in the murky depths. I've been down there and can honestly say I like it a whole lot better here where I am. (heavy sigh here)

So what if my whole history is still with me? I'm aware that I lived a lot of upheavals in my childhood, and that I will most likely always have a slight issue with being 'uprooted'. In defence of upheavals and up-rooted-ness, though, these once gave me the courage to travel alone to the other side of the world with nothing but a suitcase and the money in my pocket. (wow, what ever happened to that girl?) Many an adventure required that I transplant myself across borders and it never occurred to me that I couldn't.


I like that I have a so-called 'unstable' background. I do. I have no tribal conventions to tie me down and tell me how to live my life. My limitations and beliefs are my own. I fly my way, and love it. I'm free to make of myself what I will, and I do.

Well and truly gone are the days I tried to 'fit in' and let small minds tell me I need to improve myself and thus my fortune.

What am I being so grumpy about then? I am positively sulking. Not exactly grown up is it??

Hm. Could it be a wind of change I can feel? I think it is, and it has me spooked. No question about it I shouldn't have asked for that forecast either.

The distant past and the possible future - what have I done? Even if knowing what's in front of me helps me to steer my course or if understanding how I got to this point is reassuring, I can only deal with whatever's here and now.

And so this is where I am, staring out ahead of me, holding on to who I am, (with my big bad scary past and all those things I forgive myself for) shaking off a dream about change.

I still don't feel like going anywhere. But I trust that I'll be OK.

bibliomancy for venus-neptune

'ducks spoon' d sinclair '08 all rights reserved

"...Love is a kind of madness, Plato said, a divine madness. Today we talk about love as though it were primarily an aspect of relationship and also, to a great degree, as if it were something within our control. We're concerned about how to do it right, how to make it successful, how to overcome its problems and how to survive its failures.."

(Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul)

and for a jupiter-mars-venus tangle

'will those birds just shut up?!' d sinclair all rights reserved '08

"King Mark's refusal to marry is an ominous symbol. In myth or dream the king's failure to take a queen and produce an heir symbolises a refusal of wholeness, a refusal to grow, a refusal of the destiny that comes in the form of a new child."

(Robert A Johnson on the myth of Tristan and Iseult, The Psychology of Romantic Love)

the most important thing you need to learn about alchemy

At the risk of really flying the freak flag high, I want to talk about alchemy. Because I notice, with growing irritation, that the word gets bandied about a lot these days. It seems to be a stand in for the once-cool but now over used descriptive term fusion.

Its not just the metaphysics crowd - I see it now in general fiction and even in commercial use. There's a trend, too, of using 'alchemy' in the title of books that have nothing to do with the subject. 'Sexual Alchemy', 'the Alchemy of Policy Making', 'Editorial Alchemy' 'Garden Alchemy' etc. (I'm rolling my eyes, if you can picture that)

And just lately there's been some discussion, in other parts of the blogoshpere, about alchemy and the practice of 'turning crap into gold', to which I occasionally pipe up in defence of the Work and it not involving any actual fecal matter, that I've ever heard of.

Too literal, I say, excuse me but alchemy is all metaphor and allegory and mystery-with-a-capital-M. No pooh, if you please.

Oh I know they are not talking about real shit either - its the flippancy that bothers me (hence my flippant tone now).

There's a general idea circulating about Alchemy that it involves madly and magically transforming things into gold. The archetypal Alchemist is an old man in a pointy hat, long white beard and dark robes, labouring to produce the impossible. An image arcane and laughable at once. Not quite a snake-oil merchant, but not far off.

Oh and the other idea is that alchemy is a long-dead science harking back to the reformation era origins of chemistry and other sciences. Which, OK, is sort of true, but is still only a part of the picture.

Truth told, I only have part of the picture myself, and I've been studying alchemy for about four years now. Its not a long time - men such as Isaac Newton and Carl Jung dedicated decades of their lives to it, so I am even lower than an apprentice.

Having been drawn to alchemy on a quest for insight into my own restlessness and dissatisfaction as a mother and woman in a world that often appears to appreciate neither - I've worked my way through many books and classes and performed my nigredo in drawing and other creative works and my life as a whole.

Along the way I've had a lot of arguments with sixty-something Freemasons, become frustrated with asking questions to which answers never came (or which I missed entirely); laughed at obscure, strange old texts (as I'm certain they were meant to be laughed at) written by Fraters with all-too-obvious Latin pseudonyms; puzzled over quantum mechanics and laws of the universe; and got my hands and face dirty grinding up antimony in the laboratory of two of the coolest people I've ever met, real alchemists.

I've learned meditation, astrology, qabala, sacred geometry, sacred languages - a plethora of sacred things. I've learned and relearned the meaning of the word esoteric and to stop talking, stop listening and believing my own thoughts - to stay still, and to contain myself. I learned the true meaning of disipline.

Most of all, though, I learned to embrace all things as being perfect according to their own nature.

And that's only the beginning of Alchemy as I understand it.

Yeah, its frustrating to see it all so trivialised, and more so because - and this is it, the most important thing - whatever anyone may think alchemy is they are right.

it's only money - the love is what matters...

'Tenn'

Here's a letter sent to me today from a friend and reader - it really does add some truth to my previous post about living soulfully...

Dan...my kind neighbor and friend Todd gave me this pearl today after the following series of events:

1) found the stray hound dog I've been feeding and trying to coax into my car for the past month, on the side of the road, with a bad injury. Someone had run her over and not stopped to help her.
2) called Todd, as Jeff is away, and he carried the dog into my car and I drove her to the vet.
3) received a positive diagnosis and agreed to adopt the lovely girl after phone-conferencing with Jeff
4) payed $240 for the x-rays and exams on lovely dog
5) named her Clementine
6) vet discovered multiple spine fractures and suggested euthanising her
7) she died peacefully.

I am bereft for a dog I've known for 4 weeks - she was a beauty.

I wanted to share this with you for some reason - I think after reading your blog, I want to add something to it (dumb, 'cause it's YOUR blog!!).

Anyway, today, to me, living soulfully sometimes involves letting go of value. By this I mean that the value of money 'well spent' on a new thing, or 'wasted' on a stray dog, or comparing, adding up, finding opportunity costs, or putting a price on anything, is not soul-nourishing.

I found myself lamenting the loss of the $240 to the few people I told about my doomed dog-rescue, instead of saying how I really felt, which was sad and small and angry that a sweet young animal could be left for dead, especially after I'd tried for weeks to get her to my home. I was wrong to do that in an attempt to hide my sorrow.

Todd saw straight through my misdirected money rage and let me be as upset as I needed to be about the dog. After which I held his baby daughter Carly and wondered why I had to put a price on my feelings. Carly snuggled in and growled like a puppy when I put her down on her blanky and wandered back home to take my own sweet canine friend for a walk and a play at the park.

Tenn rests now on my bed, snorting softly in his sleep - and still manages to keep one eye on me as I write. What he's worth to my soul is impossible to add up.

Anyway, that was my day. Dogs and neighbors and friends and babies and good, kind people were all around me - and I don't care what my VISA statement says next month. It's only money.